Heyheyhey my tumblr babies!
I’ve come back to you…again.
I left for a bit because my life started to fall apart a little. The relationship I thought might be different really wasn’t. Once again, I mistook someone’s vague and childish interest in me as some sort of true connection. Since I last wrote I’ve lost: use of my laptop (temporarily), a lot of illusions, and definitely some of the progress I’ve made in the area of my mental health. Life has dealt me a few blows recently. The worst loss has been the laptop…just kidding…sorta…
Anyway. Fuck it. I’m rebuilding. I’m focusing on how to give my life some meaning and it’s slowly working.
And I’m back to blogging again because, although it doesn’t qualify as meaningful on any level, I miss the lovely pictures and your lovely cyber souls.

I do believe all is well. I lost my confidence there for a bit but I can feel it coming back. Listening to Sheepdogs and Fleet Foxes and Neil Young all day and looking at old photos has been nice. I’ve come to understand that every problem I’m facing right now is my mind’s own fabrication. It’s time to quit self sabotaging and to start accepting the good things. 

I should be doing really well today. I skipped school and slept until noon and tonight I finally get to see John again. Life should be pretty fuckin peachy. I can’t shake my anxiety though. I have a terrible terrible feeling that something bad is about to happen. Maybe I’m about to sink back in to depression. Maybe I’ll find out that he doesn’t want me anymore. Maybe mom will lose her job like she’s been worrying about. I don’t know where these fears are coming from and I don’t know how to find comfort right now.